The Illusion Of Needing To Find Balance When Upset
Angus and I have had a couple of opportunities to notice ourselves get out of balance recently. During those times we noticed how easy it is to want to get back into emotional balance as quickly as possible. It can feel like there is a pull to feel better quickly. There are plenty of techniques and strategies designed for that purpose, but they don’t last so it becomes a constant practice to use them and that ultimately leads to more stress and distress.
What we are noticing and experiencing more deeply is the innate capacity to rebalance that comes from within not so that our emotions find a permanent equilibrium — they don’t, but through accepting that and experiencing what is beyond emotions and thoughts.
There is a felt experience of our true nature that is available to all of us independent of our physical, mental, and emotional states. That experience is what is unchanging inside of us. We each recognize it in our own way. It is not an intellectual understanding. It is an experiential knowing of who you are.
Whenever upset arises, all it is is a temporary forgetting of your innate nature. Your true self never disappears, but you can have the experience of your connection with it dissipating. All experience comes and goes, you don’t need to worry about that. Your experience is not your responsibility. Just remember there is an innate compass within that allows you to experience who you are when you surrender control. It is okay to take your hands off the helm!
Relationships naturally become less contentious and conflictual the more each person surrenders control and looks to who they are rather than trying to change and manage who they are not.
Let us know if you have any comments or questions!
Angus & Rohini Ross are “the Rewilders”. They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by opening them up to their innate vitality and resilience. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1), and they are co-founders of The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality and the Teachings of Sydney Banks. You can also subscribe to Rohini’s weekly blog that includes their weekly Vlog on her website, www.rohiniross.com.