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Intimacy is Natural When You See Each Other Fresh

Just finished the Mid-Year Reset and Refresh Workshop with Amy Johnson, Barb Patterson, Scott Kelly, and Angus. It is a wonderful example of how service and fun can co-exist. I feel very grateful to the participants and to my co-presenters for co-creating such a heart-opening and inspiring workshop.    It was so much fun sharing the understanding of the Principles by looking in the directions of work, health, relationships, and habits--and seeing that it is the same conversation no matter what the subject matter. Ultimately what is important in all areas is understanding that your experience is a reflection of thought in...

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Look First In The Direction of the True Self — It Transformed My Marriage!

As the early bird price for The Soul-Centered Series is drawing to a close, I am immersed in conversations with people enrolling in the 7-month program. I feel so grateful to connect with people from all over the world and talk about an understanding that has transformed my life and the lives of so many people I work with and know personally.   What I am particularly grateful for is the impact of this understanding on my experience of relationships, and especially my relationship with my husband Angus. I see now how I used to focus on trying to fix things out...

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Reactivity In Relationships Is Normal And Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

Reactivity is normal in relationships. It is a healthy part of the learning curve of being together and navigating separate realities. So often couples come to us with shame about the emotional reactivity in their relationship. Angus and I want to eradicate the shame and normalize that it is okay that upset occurs. It is okay to be learning and growing. None of us have it all figured out.   When we are up against our growing edge, we are stepping beyond our comfort zone and into the unknown. It is there that we can see something fresh and new. We can’t...

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The Misunderstanding Behind Codependence

There is a significant emphasis in current relationship advice given to embracing autonomy and individuality in relationships in order to have a healthy, sustaining relationship. Interdependence is good and codependence is bad. This makes sense in theory, but having no elements of codependence in a relationship is very unlikely and sets up a focus of seeing codependency as a problem to be fixed rather than the innocent by-product of a misunderstanding.   There is no point in spending time fixing by-products. It is tireless and never-ending work. However, as soon as a misunderstanding is clarified, the by-product of the misunderstanding is immediately and...

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Navigating Your Partner’s Low Mood Gracefully

It is easy to take your partner's low mood and reactivity personally. It can look like, if they were happier, you would be happier. And it can seem kind to try and help them by offering solutions or trying to talk them out of their low mood.   Angus and I have been there and done that. We even still try to do it sometimes. But what we wake up to sooner now is that when we are doing that we have forgotten that our wellbeing and peace of mind comes from within.   Any time it looks like you would feel better if...

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Reflection List For Singles Who Want To Be In A Relationship

Here is a reflection list to help you see how willing you are and what your availability is to partnership. It is not a formula. These are simply questions to reflect on and see what occurs to you about your openness to both dating and partnership.   Are you hopeful about being in a relationship?   Many people I speak to that want to be in a relationship are not hopeful about it. They feel discouraged. They are jaded. They say they want partnership, but they have given up hope. They feel like somehow it is just not in the cards for them.   However, if...

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Angus’ Disco Dance & Rewilding Your Relationship

Angus was disappointed because he didn't have time to share his rewilding metaphor regarding rewilding relationships in the breakout session that we did at the 3PUK conference so he shares it here. Most importantly we want you to see for yourselves that you don't need to put any energy into managing or taming yourself or anyone else. It doesn't evoke the feeling of love in a relationship, and there is no need to because there is an infinite intelligence beyond our intellect that is unfolding perfectly. We can simply allow that to express and enjoy the results of the deeper...

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Angus Wants A Gray Hall Pass

What have I got myself into? Now Angus is going to be googling gray hall passes! All I wanted to say is that sexual boredom is not going to be solved by looking for more external stimulus. That is a never-ending quest. The sustainable solution is understanding that boredom, including sexual boredom, is a state of mind. Boredom reflects how sped up the individual's mind is rather than being caused by being in a long-term relationship. I know for myself there was a period of time where it got harder for me to drop out of my busy thinking before...

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Keeping Sexual Attraction Alive in Long-Term Relationships

**warning adult language used**   One of the biggest challenges to relationships is each person’s relationship with their anxiety. Even if you don’t suffer from an anxiety disorder, everyone has the experience of anxiety in their lives. What happens in relationships is that it is easy to blame the other person for your anxiety and/or want your partner to fix your anxiety. The foundation for many relationships is being able to ease each other’s anxiety. You become each other’s security blanket when you aren’t driving each other crazy.   When this happens sexual attraction goes out the window.   People blame all kinds of factors for...

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The Honeymoon Period of a Relationship is Not Time Limited

The honeymoon period of a relationship is not time limited. It is also not an experience of craziness. It is perhaps when you are most sane because you have the experience of dropping out of your anxious thoughts and getting present to the moment and to the feeling of your true nature. You fall into love. Not love with the other person, but the experience of love within yourself. Then at some point, you have an insecure experience again, and it looks like it is the other person’s fault. But how can it be? Your experience is not caused by...

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