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Love Is Not Only The Answer; It Is Also The Question And Everything Else In Between

Angus and I are hopefully heading back to LA as this blog post is being sent out. I am so used to writing my posts right before they get sent it feels strange to write something that won’t be published until two weeks from now.   One of the things that I noticed this week, is I can get a bit antsy before leaving on a trip. I usually deal with this by leaving packing to the last minute. This works for me because then I don’t spend that much time thinking about it so there is less time to worry. This...

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The Misunderstanding Behind Codependence

There is a significant emphasis in current relationship advice given to embracing autonomy and individuality in relationships in order to have a healthy, sustaining relationship. Interdependence is good and codependence is bad. This makes sense in theory, but having no elements of codependence in a relationship is very unlikely and sets up a focus of seeing codependency as a problem to be fixed rather than the innocent by-product of a misunderstanding.   There is no point in spending time fixing by-products. It is tireless and never-ending work. However, as soon as a misunderstanding is clarified, the by-product of the misunderstanding is immediately and...

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Just Hanging Out and Pointing: Your Wisdom Leads the Way!

I was speaking with Elsie Spittle this week in preparation for her weekend in the Soul-Centered Series and was sharing how rewarding it is to see people light up with an insight. She described it as soul-food. I love this description and feel so grateful for the work I do.   What struck me as I was speaking with clients this week is seeing the simplicity of people having fresh thoughts. Even when you think you are stuck and can’t have an insight that is just a made up. It is not the truth of who you are. When you look in...

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Instant Pot Blow Up

Angus doesn’t like change. He wasn’t pleased when I replaced the pressure cooker he loves that has a coating on the bottom that is peeling off with a stainless steel Instant Pot. He kept the old pot, but conceded to use the new pot. We had a hangry blow up this week when the new pot seemed to be malfunctioning with a burn feature, and I went to get something else to eat. That was too much for Angus already out of his comfort zone using the new pot. I did not stay neutral and reacted to his anger, but...

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Angus’ Wail Song

I think we can all relate to getting irritated with our partner. Sometimes it just blows over. Other times it blows up. Angus shares his experience where he felt irritated toward me but then woke up to how he was thinking of all kinds of negative things about me. In seeing what he was doing, it then made sense to him to not keep going down that rabbit hole because he recognized he would just get more stirred up. By understanding that his disturbance was not caused by me, but was actually being created within himself, he saw not to...

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Bah Humbug Feelings Are Normal

It is starting to feel like the holiday season in my home. Our eldest daughter just got home from college. My husband Angus and our youngest daughter found and put up our Christmas tree. The laser lights are sparkling outside. Angus’ birthday is just around the corner. There is a festive air, but the holidays can be difficult for people too. There are often high expectations for joy and connection that don’t get met. I have talked to some people who say they feel lonelier this time of year and others who feel the loss of loved ones more poignantly.   Whatever...

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Letting Life Live You: Less Suffering More Possibility

There has been a lot going on recently. Being evacuated and not knowing if the wildfire was going to spread to our neighborhood. The death of a client. Getting sick. Feeling the loss of our dog Bella as at the one year anniversary of her death. But I wasn’t suffering. Even when I was experiencing excruciating pain with a UTI, I noticed I could be with the pain and not suffer.  Previously it would have taken much less for me to be suffering.   There is a quote by Haruki Murakami related to marathon running where he says, “Pain is inevitable, suffering...

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Freedom from Suffering

As soon as I feel the internal pressure to be special or better than, I know I am feeling the opposite -- not special, not good enough. Feelings of unworthiness can be so painful, and there are so many ways to try and escape these feelings. Trying to prove our worthiness by being better than. Numbing out from the pain by using coping mechanisms.   Psychology tells us the problem is an issue that needs to be resolved, but there is no gold to be mined there only an infinite amount of issues that will need fixing. Instead, less suffering is the...

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Who Knew? Letting Yourself Be Human Brings Out the Best in You!

Seeing stress as not being attached to the outside world has completely changed my relationship with it. When I thought my experience of stress was caused by things outside of me, I accepted it. I took it for granted and assumed that I would need things to change on the outside before I could feel better on the inside. When it looks this way, life is hard. Sometimes things aren’t going to change on the outside. Some things are permanent, like the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, not being able to have a biological child.   There...

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There Is Relief From Insecurity Simply From Understanding How the Mind Works

I was recently given feedback in a Mastermind group that I am part of that for someone with so much insecure thinking I sure get a lot done. I don’t know if you ever feel this way, but I feel at times like I am different than other people. I think I am more screwed up, that I am less than, that there is something wrong with me. This definitely happens less than it used to, but it still happens. What is different now is that I am much better than I used to be at ignoring these thoughts and...

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