The Game of Life — No One Gets Out Alive
I am married to an Englishman who loves football, or soccer as they call it in the US, so I have been watching many of the World Cup soccer games and really enjoying them. I am actually surprised at how much fun I’ve been having. There have been a lot of nail-biter finishes being decided by penalty shootouts. I’ve found myself not wanting to look and being compelled to look at the same time. The pressure has felt intense and enjoyable even if the team I was rooting for didn’t make it.
What I noticed is that when I experience internal pressure as part of a game it is really fun, but there are other times when I experience pressure, and it feels very unpleasant. The area I am experiencing this most right now is when my younger daughter drives. She has her learner’s permit, and she is getting her driving hours in. She is actually doing quite well, but my level of internal pressure when she is driving does not reflect this. It feels really unpleasant.
I had a thought when I was sitting in the back of the car recently. She was happily driving us down Topanga Canyon feeling more confident on the curves. Angus was in the front passenger seat taking the responsibility of being the driving instructor because I couldn’t handle it. I was in the back seat with one hand gripping the beige leather upholstery and the other tightly wrapped around the metal tube under the headrest. My chest was tight. I had jittery feelings in my stomach. My mouth was dry. I focused on a tuft of white husky dog fur stuck on the mat longing for the ride to be over. And then I realized — This is anxiety, and it is completely out of proportion to the situation at hand.
Before it just made sense to me that I would feel this way with a new driver. My emotional state looked like it was being determined by the situation, but on that ride, I saw it was all in my head. I also realized that many of the sensations I was finding unpleasant were similar to the feelings I felt during the penalty shootouts. One situation was fun and the other felt excruciating. I was struck by the arbitrariness of this and how much more fun my emotional experience is when it is part of a game and not feeling like life or death.
This helped me to see the bigger picture of playing the game of life. No matter what I think the stakes are, I am only ever playing the game of life. There is no winning the game by staying alive that is not an option. And me holding onto a headrest is not going to make the difference between whether or not I exit the game of my human experience. This helped me to see how many other times I take things too seriously. Times when I feel the stakes are high, but really, what is it I am most afraid of at those times? As Franklin D Roosevelt said in his first Inaugural Address, “Only thing we have to fear Is fear itself.”
Death is a certainty, and I will have to face it in whatever form it takes for me, long and drawn out or short and sweet. That is not my decision. Seeing that what ultimately makes me uncomfortable is only ever my own fear simplifies things and in that simplicity makes everything seem more manageable. Whether I’m driving with my teenager, presenting a workshop series, writing a book the stakes are all in my head. I am simply in the game of life and experiencing my internally generated emotional experience as I play.
I am struck by how precious all of it is. And I am so grateful for the teachings of Sydney Banks for showing me how to enjoy the vibrantly emotional nature of my human experience rather than spending my time longing for and seeking out the bliss of oneness. I have a feeling there will be an eternity to enjoy that, but this bittersweet crazy ride of human being human is over in a flash.
Are you enjoying your ride of human experience? If the stakes are feeling high in your life, here are some Sydney Banks’ resources to explore: The Enlightened Gardner, The Missing Link, and Second Chance. His teachings gave me a level of psychological freedom and comfort with my humanness I didn’t know was possible, and I am committed to helpings others see it is available for them too — that includes you!
Rohini Ross is excited to present The Soul-Centered Series in Santa Monica starting October 2018. She is passionate about helping people wake up to their true nature. She is a transformative coach and trainer, and author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1). She has an international coaching practice helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of well-being, resiliency, and success. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, watch her Vlogs with her husband, Angus Ross, and subscribe to her weekly blog on her website, rohiniross.com.
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Rohini Ross
Are you self-critical, hard on yourself, and constantly trying to “fix” whatever you think is wrong with you? Perhaps you have tried all kinds of different personal growth techniques and spiritual practices in the hope of solving all your problems. This cycle can be exhausting and never-ending, because there will always be something to improve about yourself, from that mindset. Sydney Banks’ teachings can help you to see how your humanness is normal and not something that needs fixing: as a spiritual person, you don’t need to change or eradicate your humanness! Seeing yourself as normal allows you to love and accept yourself exactly as you are—warts and all. Adopting this perspective naturally brings out the best in you and helps to find peace with your personality. Self-love and self-acceptance is your natural state, and any disconnection from your true nature is only temporary. What a relief!
In our culture, success is often associated with hard work and narrowly defined as material gain. However, authentic success, as shared by Sydney Banks, includes such intangibles as happiness, well-being, love, joy, compassion, and peace of mind that are innate in each one of us, along with outward goals and achievements. It honors the whole person in all walks of life, whether you are a professional, leader, executive, solopreneur, employee, mother, teacher or student. From this knowing and experience, you can access the infinite wellspring of love that is your essence, then share your gifts with the world from a place of fulfillment and meaning, through a profound understanding of the interaction between your psychological and spiritual natures. While conventional success can deplete you, authentic success only fills you up.
Your ability to enjoy life comes from being present in the moment rather than caught up in habitual, negative thoughts that take you out of the Now. Sydney Banks’ wisdom supports you in becoming aware of how you get seduced by your limited personal thinking and thus, create a painful reality of misunderstanding, fear and restriction. When you recognize how and why this happens, you can step free of the pattern. This understanding assists you to dismiss unhelpful thoughts and not take them seriously. Unlike traditional self-help or therapy, experiencing more psychological freedom and enjoyment does not rely on techniques. There are no magic bullets on the path of well-being. All you need to do is follow an internal compass that points to the truth of who you really are—beyond transient thoughts to your unchanging, formless essence.
Greater psychological freedom is the gift that keeps on giving. How grateful would you feel if you no longer had to listen to your negative, self-punishing and painful inner narrative, day in and day out? Understanding the role of thought and recognizing how it creates your feelings of insecurity and self-doubt is truly liberating! You will be better able to hear and heed your inner wisdom and become less driven by the noisy thoughts of fear and constriction. As an ongoing practice, this allows you to more fully experience your resilience and reach a greater sense of clarity about how you want to move forward in your life. As a result, you can live in a way that feels authentic and true in every area, including your career, family, home, creative expression, play, relationships and overall well-being.
When you no longer give authority to the fear-based thoughts in your consciousness, all you are left with is happiness. Through the teachings of Sydney Banks, you can see how your psychological functioning works, which makes you less compelled to follow those thoughts that do not serve you. Becoming more aware of the wholeness and integration of both your human and spiritual natures helps to ground you in the unchanging essence of who you are, and ride out the ups and downs of your emotional experience more gracefully. Accepting the normalcy of your humanness will naturally reduce your anxiety and fear and enhance your joy and happiness in each moment. By placing less pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or be hung up on self-improvement, you may find that low moods do not derail or debilitate you; instead, you will become much more attuned to your innate wellbeing and peace of mind and experience more happiness as a result.
One of the first areas people often experience profound transformation from the teachings of Sydney Banks is in their relationships, both personal and professional. While it often seems like another person’s irritation, anger, indifference, insensitivity, rudeness, etc., directly affects your experience, in reality your disturbance is a product of your own individual thinking. By making someone else responsible for how you feel, that person automatically becomes the cause of your suffering. Once you understand that you always have a place of well-being inside, independent of another’s behavior, it is easier to maintain equanimity through their changing moods and behaviors. Romantically, you may experience deeper love and intimacy with your partner, but the teachings benefit all relationships. This awareness supports more authentic connection and expression, while facilitating greater understanding, improved communication, reduced reactivity, more acceptance of self and others, and improved ability to work out differences and find common ground. Best of all, just one person shifting in a relationship is enough to transform it.
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