self-esteem | Rohini Ross - Part 2

Insecurity is an Ego Trip We Can Always Come Home From

I recently took an on-line personality test a friend shared on Facebook. I was surprised when one of the results indicated I have a big ego. I don't see myself as particularly arrogant or conceited. My character weaknesses tend to fall on the side of self-doubt and insecurity. Not that I took the test very seriously, but it did cause me to reflect on what it means to have a big ego.   It made me look at my experience of insecurity in a new way. I saw when I am experiencing self-doubt, I am actually self-absorbed and self-centered at those times,...

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The Power of Just Being You

Enlightenment only becomes available when it has been accepted it cannot be achieved. -- Tony Parsons   I read a personal story at The Spark Off Rose last week. I was surprised by how comfortable I felt. I had never been that at ease in front of an audience before.Without my nerves, I was present in my body. I did not experience a buffer between myself and the people listening. I felt incredibly vulnerable and safe. In the past, I had always associated vulnerability with fear. This was different.   The gift I experienced from me just showing up as me was that this...

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Take Your Eyes Off The Scoreboard and Live Your Life!

I was at a training recently and basketball coach John Wooden, famous for winning ten NCAA National championships for UCLA in a 12-year period, was mentioned. The anecdote shared was that while coaching his team at half-time, a rookie player piped up and said, "We are x number of points up. We are doing okay!" John Wooden told him to forget about the scoreboard and focus on playing the game to the best of his abilities.   I recognized how pertinent this advice is for life. It is so easy to get caught up in measuring how we are doing and to...

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Optimal Performance Doesn’t Require Perfection

I have been writing my blog for over a year, and this is the first time I haven't been sure what to write about. Normally something stands out during the week, and I make a mental note to write about it. This week my brain has been foggy. When I reflected on this, I realized my mood has been lower than usual. I think this may be related to the Ketogenic diet I started last Sunday.   I began the diet because I have put on about twenty pounds over the past year. This is very unusual for me and seems to...

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I do not want to love myself — I want to know myself as love.

Working as a therapist and a coach, clients often share with me an intention of feeling worthy and having good self-esteem. In the past, I might have supported them with identifying the misunderstandings in their consciousness responsible for their painful feelings of not being good enough. This certainly provides respite, and helps clients see their beliefs as false. It allows them to let them go of the limited thinking and experience a more accurate understanding of themselves. Working with the content of thought and clarifying it so a deeper realization can emerge is healing. However, there is another way to address...

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What a Relief to Know I Don’t Need to Keep Working on Myself

Seek without seeking, for what you hope to attain is already within you. -- Sydney Banks   It was such a relief when I realized I did not have to keep working on myself and striving for self-improvement. I had been successful in many ways with an amazing husband, wonderful children, a successful psychotherapy practice, and a lovely home, but I struggled to relax and really appreciate my life. I was plagued with feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. I did not feel good enough. I felt unworthy. No amount of success on the outside made a difference. I had pursued many avenues of personal...

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You Can Wake Up From the Illusion of Your Insecurities

“Why are you unhappy? Because 99.9 percent of everything you think, and of everything you do, is for yourself — and there isn’t one.“ — Wei Wu Wei  There are times when self-worth is not an issue for me. I don’t think about it. I confidently do whatever I need to do. I feel self-assured. These times I am not thinking about myself. I am doing, serving, being, enjoying the moment. Other times I feel filled with insecurity and feelings of unworthiness. At these times, I become self-focused and see all of the things I don’t like about myself. I can...

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Use Shame as a Compass to Steer Clear of Limiting Beliefs

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. — Anaïs Nin  I had an experience of shame recently. The belly dropping, sinking feeling, burning in the solar plexus kind of shame. I noticed how visceral the experience was. After it happened, I saw how the thinking that initiated my emotional response had been outside of my conscious awareness. It happened so fast. All of a sudden the feeling was present.   In the past, I would have reacted to my shame. I would have used my emotional experience...

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Breaking Free From the Tyranny of My Inner Critic

I was bullied in middle school. I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. My mother told me to turn the other cheek. I did my best to ignore the bullying, but I still hurt. I remember a friend coming home with me from school on the bus. She was shocked at the taunting and name calling thrown at me. I felt I should do something. I felt I was weak. I felt something was wrong with me for not standing up for myself. That is partly why writing feels so good. I am no longer hiding. I am...

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Let Go of Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity

One of the things that put me off writing in the past was the blank page. I didn’t know what to write. I didn’t trust that something, anything, would come forward. And if it did, I didn’t trust that what I wrote would be good enough. I felt I would be faced with my unworthiness, lack of competence, and impotence — my nothingness. What I didn’t understand was that nothing is not the same as unworthy. I didn’t know that not knowing is actually a transformative experience, not something to avoid. I now see that not knowing is not to...

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