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Stress and Relationships

Angus and I were both really looking forward to the Soul-Centered Series starting, and we have both had more on our minds than usual as we prepared for it. In the past, this would have resulted in us having a blowout! Fortunately, this didn't happen this time.   This difference is we each found our own way to be more comfortable with our human experience of nerves and anxiety. This was topped off by me waking up to the smell of smoke at 5:30 this morning, but once I ascertained there was no immediate danger or requirement to prepare for evacuation I...

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Dealing With Children’s Low Moods

If you have difficulty with your child’s low moods, it can be really helpful to recognize that the difficulty you experience is a reflection of your own state of mind. Seeing this helps you to remember to take care of yourself. It also helps wake you up to what direction you are looking in. Are you looking in the direction of your true nature or are you looking in the direction of your ego’s stories and judgments?   One direction leads you to more suffering through the experience of separation, and one leads you back home to wellbeing. It is also much...

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Try This Experiment If You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship

If you are unhappy in your relationship are you willing to try an experiment?    It is an experiment designed to reduce your suffering not to save your relationship. And whatever happens in terms of the outcome for your relationship, you will have the learning from the experiment. That goes with you even if the relationship ends.   Angus and I do our best to have no attachment to outcomes when working with our clients. We see our responsibility being to educate our clients so they can connect more deeply with their own wellbeing and see more clearly what gets in the way of...

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Look Toward Wellbeing When Your Laundry List of Woes Grabs You

When you get caught up in your laundry list of woes about your partner, see if you can remember that trying to improve your relationship by reviewing the list will only create more suffering. What you are really looking for is an inner experience of being connected with who you are. If you remember this, it helps you to get unglued from all of the complaints that come to mind when you are upset and points you back to your natural state. It helps you to drop out of your head so you can fall back into your heart and...

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Do You Have A Problem With Your Partner’s Low Moods

A big SHOUT OUT to Dr. Amy Johnson who has two free webinars coming up and her Little School of Big Change is launching soon. I've included the links below.   Now for Angus and me, one of the most common themes that comes up when we work with the couples is one or both of them not liking each other's behavior when they are in a low mood and thinking their partner needs to change in order for them to be happy.   Relationships are so much easier when we understand our partner's low mood behavior is not personal, and if we are...

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The Best Relationship Remedy

Relationship advice is usually focused on trying to cultivate more of a feeling of love that comes and goes rather than on waking up to your essence of love that is always there no matter what. It might seem counter-intuitive to focus on something that can only be found and experienced within when it looks like the issues are without involving two people not just oneself, but ultimately any experience of upset we experience comes from within.   It is the ultimate in empowerment, freedom, and liberation to see that what causes our internal experiences arises from our own thoughts and not...

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Teenagers and Getting Intoxicated with Anger

Angus and I have both been brought to our knees recently and humbled by witnessing ourselves become intoxicated with anger. Worst of all it was in our relationship with our teenage daughter!   There have been lessons on both sides. For Angus, he saw his capacity to ride out his intoxication with anger from a neutral space and return to his natural state of love quite quickly. For me, I saw more clearly how my reactivity is only the result of me taking things personally. I embodied the understanding a little more deeply so the next time I was confronted with reactivity,...

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What Makes Relationships Work?

Angus and I are in the beautiful Pacific Northwest facilitating a four-day intensive with a couple. As I was reflecting on the intensive beforehand I was thinking about what it is that makes relationships work. Given that the content of each person’s experience is unique and each relationship is different, I was looking to see what is simple and unifying that applies to all relationships?   When I reflected on my own relationship, what occurred to me is that the less I am attached to my personal position the better my relationship is. The more I need things to be a certain...

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The Illusion Of Needing To Find Balance When Upset

Angus and I have had a couple of opportunities to notice ourselves get out of balance recently. During those times we noticed how easy it is to want to get back into emotional balance as quickly as possible. It can feel like there is a pull to feel better quickly. There are plenty of techniques and strategies designed for that purpose, but they don’t last so it becomes a constant practice to use them and that ultimately leads to more stress and distress.   What we are noticing and experiencing more deeply is the innate capacity to rebalance that comes from within...

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I Can Be A Bitch by Julieanne Chazotte

This week's guest blog post is written by my apprentice Julieanne Chazotte. I love how Julie embraces her humanness and finds freedom in letting go of self-judgments. Her invitation is for us all to see that our human foibles cannot and do not mean anything about us. And in the letting go of pressure on ourselves to be better, the resulting internal freedom naturally allows us to show up in more loving and compassionate ways.   Over the past few weeks my husband, Dror, and I have been going through an IVF process. This is a costly intervention with a lot of...

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