Did I Choose the Wrong Partner?

This question comes up frequently when we work with couples who are struggling in their relationship and is a question we have both asked ourselves in the past. We really thought that we might have irreconcilable differences.   What we didn’t know is that we were seeing each other through the lens of our low moods. Our discontent was a reflection of our thoughts, not each other or our relationship. We were experiencing our own consciousness and not the other person.   Now if it starts to look like life would be better if I wasn’t married to Angus, I know I’m buying into...

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Angus’ Wail Song

I think we can all relate to getting irritated with our partner. Sometimes it just blows over. Other times it blows up. Angus shares his experience where he felt irritated toward me but then woke up to how he was thinking of all kinds of negative things about me. In seeing what he was doing, it then made sense to him to not keep going down that rabbit hole because he recognized he would just get more stirred up. By understanding that his disturbance was not caused by me, but was actually being created within himself, he saw not to...

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An Affair and Extramarital Attractions

Angus was not too pleased about me airing our dirty laundry in my blog this week. An affair and extramarital attractions are definitely a tricky topic. But I wanted to share what I have learned in case it helps others. My feelings and resulting behaviors were symptoms of my internal distress and not our relationship. At the time, it genuinely looked to me like Angus was the source of my suffering and so it made sense for me to think I would be happier with someone else. I didn't realize I was looking for the solution where it could never be found....

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My Most Shameful Experience Pointed Me Toward Freedom

As preparation for the Soul-Centered Series free webinar with Jack Pransky, I read his latest book Seduced by Consciousness. I really enjoyed the first book I read of his, Somebody Should Have Told Us and was not disappointed with this one. In the book, Jack shares his insights into relationships. And it reminded me of a very painful learning curve I experienced in my marriage.   In the early days of being married to Angus, I would occasionally find myself attracted to another man. It would never be intentional. It would just happen and then it would pass. I would get over...

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Angus’ Fiery Moments

Angus was doing a good job of keeping his cool and not jumping onboard the train of his low mood thinking. That was until he got played by his teenage daughter and criticized by me. Then everything went south, but only for about 5 minutes. And then you get to hear his firework story. I still don't know who he had to speak to that day. But the good news is we are both on the learning curve on not taking our thinking too seriously, and when we do, our bounce back is getting so much quicker. It is amazing...

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Inner Peace and Relationships

I am doing an interview for an upcoming online series with Kim Root, The Art of a Peaceful Mind: How to Find Peace, Inner Strength and Confidently Tap Into Your Intuition. I am speaking to peace of mind in relationships. As I was thinking about the interview, it struck me how ironic it is that the people we are closest to and who we love the most are usually the people with whom we can be the most reactive and have the least peace of mind.   I am pretty even keel most of the time. I am laid back, polite, and...

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Rule Breaker and Rule Follower

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to check in with Angus and me regarding our safety and for offering your support while we were evacuated. We are very grateful for your love and kindness. We are safe and have not been impacted by the fire other than the evacuation. Many others, however, have not been as fortunate. If you would like to offer support here are some charities to choose from:   Wildfire Relief Fund   Disaster Relief Fund   Caring Choices   California Fire Foundation   Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love...

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Invisible State of Mind

It amazes me that my state of mind can be invisible to me. What I mean by that is that in my perception I think I am okay and in my right mind, but actually, I am destabilized. It is obvious to me when I am feeling extremes of upset, but what I share about in the Vlog is more subtle. Now I know when Angus says I am being stern, critical or on my high horse, he is probably right. He is picking up on my feeling state.   Normally I think he is the crazy one and just out of...

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The “D” Word

The "D" word is something that Angus and I used to consider frequently. I didn't even know it was on his mind as much as mine until this Vlog. I was just more vocal about it. Now, however, it isn't even a consideration for either of us.   The big game changer for us was seeing that a low mood is an indicator to not take our thinking seriously. We would only ever end up coming to the conclusion that divorce was the answer when we were in a low mood state. We have both learned not to think about what looks...

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Parenting Madness

Angus and I are learning a lot about not adding noise to the teenage brain, and we are calling ourselves forward to be the adults and take responsibility for our emotional experience. There is no better way to learn this than to see that even teenagers are not responsible for how we feel. We can only ever feel our thinking in the moment. No one and no thing is responsible for that. And even when we know this, we do forget, and there are times when we fail miserably to not be reactive.   Angus had one of these experiences on Monday...

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