My Most Shameful Experience Pointed Me Toward Freedom

As preparation for the Soul-Centered Series free webinar with Jack Pransky, I read his latest book Seduced by Consciousness. I really enjoyed the first book I read of his, Somebody Should Have Told Us and was not disappointed with this one. In the book, Jack shares his insights into relationships. And it reminded me of a very painful learning curve I experienced in my marriage.   In the early days of being married to Angus, I would occasionally find myself attracted to another man. It would never be intentional. It would just happen and then it would pass. I would get over...

Read More

Freedom from Suffering

As soon as I feel the internal pressure to be special or better than, I know I am feeling the opposite -- not special, not good enough. Feelings of unworthiness can be so painful, and there are so many ways to try and escape these feelings. Trying to prove our worthiness by being better than. Numbing out from the pain by using coping mechanisms.   Psychology tells us the problem is an issue that needs to be resolved, but there is no gold to be mined there only an infinite amount of issues that will need fixing. Instead, less suffering is the...

Read More

The Counter-Intuitive Approach to Less Emotional Suffering

I used to think that less suffering would come from managing my thinking so I could create a nicer experience for myself. I believed that if I could avoid negative thoughts then I wouldn't have negative emotions. I did not realize how much work this would be, nor did I see how the pressure of constantly trying to control my thoughts would create more suffering rather than less.   I discovered the easier way to live in a nicer feeling more of the time was paradoxical. Instead of me trying to create a good feeling, what I noticed is that if I...

Read More

Goodwill is the Fertile Soil that Allows Relationships to Thrive

I had some of my reflections after watching the live-stream of the Pransky and Associates Working with Couples Training this weekend. The importance of goodwill in a relationship stood out to me as essential. It is as vital the richness of soil is for plants to grow in. If goodwill is low, it is impossible for a relationship to thrive, and goodwill is not about loving your partner in an abstract sense. It is authentic day-to-day warmth, appreciation, kindness and genuinely liking your partner. It is practical and felt.   If goodwill is low in a relationship, it is likely the result of...

Read More

Sun Lounger Insights

Angus has finally convinced me to take a lie on the beach vacation. I used to think this would be a complete waste of time. I was a bit of a snob about taking that kind of vacation, but now I see the benefit of really letting my mind and body relax.   Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couples intensives that...

Read More

Navigating a Big Transition with More Ease

There is a big transition afoot in our household with our eldest daughter leaving for college and emotions are running higher than normal. What Angus​ and I love about the understanding of the Principles is that it lets us be with our humanness and our frailties in a gentler and more compassionate way, both for ourselves and for each other. And we did look up the dog in Peter Pan. Her name was Nana. She was a Newfoundland. The Abyssinian Mountain dog that Angus referred to is a mythical creature of his imagination.   Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work...

Read More

Low Moods No Longer Bring My Life to a Halt

I don’t know what I have been searching for on the internet lately, but now my Facebook ads are about pee proof underwear and vaginal dryness solutions. I remember reading in a book about big data how parents found out their teenage daughter was pregnant because their Target flyers started showing baby items. It is not a big step from menopause to mortality, and this has been underlined by the death of a college friend after a brave fight against cancer.   Moments of recognition about the finite quality of life can be sobering. It has caused me to reflect on my...

Read More

Low Moods Pass Naturally

Our thinking can get really stirred up at times. The main warning sign that this is happening is a low mood. Low moods, however, don’t mean anything about us. They are temporary states of mind and will naturally pass. The less we do anything about them, and the less we try to fix our mood, the quicker we find ourselves back at normal. It is, however, helpful to know when our thinking is stirred up. We can then take that into consideration as we live life. If Angus had taken this into account, he might have paid more attention when...

Read More

The Goal is Not to Change Emotional Experience, Just Remember the Source that Creates It

I have noticed how I can be critical. I can be sharp. I don’t mean to be, but I can have an edge. This occurs when my personal thinking is stirred up. I am feeling separate. My “I” is strong. Then other times when my thinking is more settled my “I” softens and my heart opens. I feel connected and more peaceful.   I am struck by the benefit of the understanding of the principles for pointing out how I can be more neutral about not just being the soft “I” with the expanded heart. I put less pressure on myself...

Read More

Differences Are Only a Problem in a Low Mood

I don’t really sleep under a tarpaulin. For some reason Angus has taken exception to my weighted blanket. And he can get annoyed with my temperature needs that are different than his own, even though I am used to wearing extra layers, especially in the car. ?❄❄❄   But the point we are making is that from a good mood these differences are not issues or problems. They can be amusing, but they are not challenging. However, from a low mood they, and other differences between us, can look like real problems. ??   We have both gotten better at recognizing when we are...

Read More