Feeling the Low Mood Blues

I used to think the understanding of the Principles was supposed to stop me from being in a low mood. I thought that if I could just get enough understanding low moods would never strike again. And when I experienced a low mood, I thought this meant I didn’t know enough, and I felt pressure to see more so that I could end my suffering.   It didn’t occur to me that wanting to see more actually causes suffering.   Now I am feeling low. Life feels hard. My usual zest is not there. There isn’t anything difficult going on. There is no...

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Did I Choose the Wrong Partner?

This question comes up frequently when we work with couples who are struggling in their relationship and is a question we have both asked ourselves in the past. We really thought that we might have irreconcilable differences.   What we didn’t know is that we were seeing each other through the lens of our low moods. Our discontent was a reflection of our thoughts, not each other or our relationship. We were experiencing our own consciousness and not the other person.   Now if it starts to look like life would be better if I wasn’t married to Angus, I know I’m buying into...

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Angus’ Wail Song

I think we can all relate to getting irritated with our partner. Sometimes it just blows over. Other times it blows up. Angus shares his experience where he felt irritated toward me but then woke up to how he was thinking of all kinds of negative things about me. In seeing what he was doing, it then made sense to him to not keep going down that rabbit hole because he recognized he would just get more stirred up. By understanding that his disturbance was not caused by me, but was actually being created within himself, he saw not to...

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Bah Humbug Feelings Are Normal

It is starting to feel like the holiday season in my home. Our eldest daughter just got home from college. My husband Angus and our youngest daughter found and put up our Christmas tree. The laser lights are sparkling outside. Angus’ birthday is just around the corner. There is a festive air, but the holidays can be difficult for people too. There are often high expectations for joy and connection that don’t get met. I have talked to some people who say they feel lonelier this time of year and others who feel the loss of loved ones more poignantly.   Whatever...

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An Affair and Extramarital Attractions

Angus was not too pleased about me airing our dirty laundry in my blog this week. An affair and extramarital attractions are definitely a tricky topic. But I wanted to share what I have learned in case it helps others. My feelings and resulting behaviors were symptoms of my internal distress and not our relationship. At the time, it genuinely looked to me like Angus was the source of my suffering and so it made sense for me to think I would be happier with someone else. I didn't realize I was looking for the solution where it could never be found....

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My Most Shameful Experience Pointed Me Toward Freedom

As preparation for the Soul-Centered Series free webinar with Jack Pransky, I read his latest book Seduced by Consciousness. I really enjoyed the first book I read of his, Somebody Should Have Told Us and was not disappointed with this one. In the book, Jack shares his insights into relationships. And it reminded me of a very painful learning curve I experienced in my marriage.   In the early days of being married to Angus, I would occasionally find myself attracted to another man. It would never be intentional. It would just happen and then it would pass. I would get over...

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Freedom from Suffering

As soon as I feel the internal pressure to be special or better than, I know I am feeling the opposite -- not special, not good enough. Feelings of unworthiness can be so painful, and there are so many ways to try and escape these feelings. Trying to prove our worthiness by being better than. Numbing out from the pain by using coping mechanisms.   Psychology tells us the problem is an issue that needs to be resolved, but there is no gold to be mined there only an infinite amount of issues that will need fixing. Instead, less suffering is the...

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The Counter-Intuitive Approach to Less Emotional Suffering

I used to think that less suffering would come from managing my thinking so I could create a nicer experience for myself. I believed that if I could avoid negative thoughts then I wouldn't have negative emotions. I did not realize how much work this would be, nor did I see how the pressure of constantly trying to control my thoughts would create more suffering rather than less.   I discovered the easier way to live in a nicer feeling more of the time was paradoxical. Instead of me trying to create a good feeling, what I noticed is that if I...

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Goodwill is the Fertile Soil that Allows Relationships to Thrive

I had some of my reflections after watching the live-stream of the Pransky and Associates Working with Couples Training this weekend. The importance of goodwill in a relationship stood out to me as essential. It is as vital the richness of soil is for plants to grow in. If goodwill is low, it is impossible for a relationship to thrive, and goodwill is not about loving your partner in an abstract sense. It is authentic day-to-day warmth, appreciation, kindness and genuinely liking your partner. It is practical and felt.   If goodwill is low in a relationship, it is likely the result of...

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Sun Lounger Insights

Angus has finally convinced me to take a lie on the beach vacation. I used to think this would be a complete waste of time. I was a bit of a snob about taking that kind of vacation, but now I see the benefit of really letting my mind and body relax.   Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couples intensives that...

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