Love | Rohini Ross - Part 7

Angus Wants A Gray Hall Pass

What have I got myself into? Now Angus is going to be googling gray hall passes! All I wanted to say is that sexual boredom is not going to be solved by looking for more external stimulus. That is a never-ending quest. The sustainable solution is understanding that boredom, including sexual boredom, is a state of mind. Boredom reflects how sped up the individual's mind is rather than being caused by being in a long-term relationship. I know for myself there was a period of time where it got harder for me to drop out of my busy thinking before...

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Keeping Sexual Attraction Alive in Long-Term Relationships

**warning adult language used**   One of the biggest challenges to relationships is each person’s relationship with their anxiety. Even if you don’t suffer from an anxiety disorder, everyone has the experience of anxiety in their lives. What happens in relationships is that it is easy to blame the other person for your anxiety and/or want your partner to fix your anxiety. The foundation for many relationships is being able to ease each other’s anxiety. You become each other’s security blanket when you aren’t driving each other crazy.   When this happens sexual attraction goes out the window.   People blame all kinds of factors for...

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The Honeymoon Period of a Relationship is Not Time Limited

The honeymoon period of a relationship is not time limited. It is also not an experience of craziness. It is perhaps when you are most sane because you have the experience of dropping out of your anxious thoughts and getting present to the moment and to the feeling of your true nature. You fall into love. Not love with the other person, but the experience of love within yourself. Then at some point, you have an insecure experience again, and it looks like it is the other person’s fault. But how can it be? Your experience is not caused by...

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What Color Is Your Relationship?

There are the Five Love Languages outlined in Gary Chapman's book that describes the ways we like to feel loved and appreciated. There could also be the five colors of relationship designated for different relationship states. Blue for distant. Red for conflictual. Yellow for competitive. Black for dead, and white for peaceful. These are of course made up and random. ` What is helpful, however, is not determining the color of your relationship, rather it is understanding that the color of your relationship is a reflection of the color of the two people in it. I am not talking about skin color....

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The Call of Your Wild

In his book, The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships, Neil Straus says, “They say that when you meet someone and feel like it's love at first sight, run in the other direction. All that's happened is that your dysfunction has meshed with their dysfunction. Your wounded inner child has recognized their wounded inner child, both hoping to be healed by the same fire that burned them.”   This is not the first time I have heard this dating advice. Somehow our natural instincts are perceived as dangerous and letting us down.   What if it is true that we are attracted to...

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Progress Not Perfection: Riding Out Low Moods More Gracefully In Relationships

Angus and I are at the 3PGC conference this weekend in Manhattan Beach. Before heading in we share about how we have gotten better at navigating each other's low moods. There is no perfection, but a little bit of lightness goes a long way. In a recent incident where Angus got elevated, me not taking it personally helped make it easier on both of us. Remembering we are okay, in the face of our feelings or another person's upset is very reassuring.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders". They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and...

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Relationships Aren’t Always as Delicious as a Hot Fudge Sundae

Angus demonstrates his superpower of being able to repeat the content of what was said even though he was thinking about something else. The point I was making is that we often think we need to manage and improve ourselves out of fear of not being good enough, but this pressure to be good and to be better actually brings out the worst in ourselves and other people. The point that emerged as we were speaking is that people often feel like there is something wrong with their relationship if it isn’t always as delicious as a hot fudge sundae,...

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Living Life Full Out and Being All In in Relationships!

The Principles understanding applies to all areas of life just like gravity applies to all areas on earth, but the area that I experienced and continue to witness dramatic and inspiring results both for myself and others is in relationships. When I came across the understanding I thought Angus and I had a good marriage. We had, in the past, had very difficult times, but we were on more solid ground. But, when I got a deeper experience of my wellbeing and absolute okayness no matter what my emotional, mental, or physical experience, it had a profound impact on our relationship....

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The Perils of Taming Your Partner

Angus and I learned the hard way about the perils of trying to tame each other. I see now how out of my insecurity I tried to change Angus to try and make him fit my preferences so I was more comfortable. It was a complete game changer when I recognized that he can never be responsible for my emotional experience and that I can be okay with all of my feelings. So freeing to see that I did not need him to be different for me to feel okay. Understanding that my emotional experience is a reflection of my inner state...

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Rewilding Your Relationship Vlog

It is such a relief to see that relationships work best when we are ourselves. Allowing ourselves to be in our natural state takes the pressure off. Having the freedom to be real and raw brings out the best in ourselves and our partner. What gets us into trouble is when we get scared and try to tame our ourselves and/or our partner to try and make the fear go away.   Angus tried to tame my tears in the past. He would get scared by the intensity of my feelings and try to snap me out of them. This was never...

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