fbpx

Try This Experiment If You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship

If you are unhappy in your relationship are you willing to try an experiment?    It is an experiment designed to reduce your suffering not to save your relationship. And whatever happens in terms of the outcome for your relationship, you will have the learning from the experiment. That goes with you even if the relationship ends.   Angus and I do our best to have no attachment to outcomes when working with our clients. We see our responsibility being to educate our clients so they can connect more deeply with their own wellbeing and see more clearly what gets in the way of...

Read More

The Best Relationship Remedy

Relationship advice is usually focused on trying to cultivate more of a feeling of love that comes and goes rather than on waking up to your essence of love that is always there no matter what. It might seem counter-intuitive to focus on something that can only be found and experienced within when it looks like the issues are without involving two people not just oneself, but ultimately any experience of upset we experience comes from within.   It is the ultimate in empowerment, freedom, and liberation to see that what causes our internal experiences arises from our own thoughts and not...

Read More

What Makes Relationships Work?

Angus and I are in the beautiful Pacific Northwest facilitating a four-day intensive with a couple. As I was reflecting on the intensive beforehand I was thinking about what it is that makes relationships work. Given that the content of each person’s experience is unique and each relationship is different, I was looking to see what is simple and unifying that applies to all relationships?   When I reflected on my own relationship, what occurred to me is that the less I am attached to my personal position the better my relationship is. The more I need things to be a certain...

Read More

Look First In The Direction of the True Self — It Transformed My Marriage!

As the early bird price for The Soul-Centered Series is drawing to a close, I am immersed in conversations with people enrolling in the 7-month program. I feel so grateful to connect with people from all over the world and talk about an understanding that has transformed my life and the lives of so many people I work with and know personally.   What I am particularly grateful for is the impact of this understanding on my experience of relationships, and especially my relationship with my husband Angus. I see now how I used to focus on trying to fix things out...

Read More

Reactivity In Relationships Is Normal And Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

Reactivity is normal in relationships. It is a healthy part of the learning curve of being together and navigating separate realities. So often couples come to us with shame about the emotional reactivity in their relationship. Angus and I want to eradicate the shame and normalize that it is okay that upset occurs. It is okay to be learning and growing. None of us have it all figured out.   When we are up against our growing edge, we are stepping beyond our comfort zone and into the unknown. It is there that we can see something fresh and new. We can’t...

Read More

The Misunderstanding Behind Codependence

There is a significant emphasis in current relationship advice given to embracing autonomy and individuality in relationships in order to have a healthy, sustaining relationship. Interdependence is good and codependence is bad. This makes sense in theory, but having no elements of codependence in a relationship is very unlikely and sets up a focus of seeing codependency as a problem to be fixed rather than the innocent by-product of a misunderstanding.   There is no point in spending time fixing by-products. It is tireless and never-ending work. However, as soon as a misunderstanding is clarified, the by-product of the misunderstanding is immediately and...

Read More

Reflection List For Singles Who Want To Be In A Relationship

Here is a reflection list to help you see how willing you are and what your availability is to partnership. It is not a formula. These are simply questions to reflect on and see what occurs to you about your openness to both dating and partnership.   Are you hopeful about being in a relationship?   Many people I speak to that want to be in a relationship are not hopeful about it. They feel discouraged. They are jaded. They say they want partnership, but they have given up hope. They feel like somehow it is just not in the cards for them.   However, if...

Read More

Understanding How The Mind Works, Inner Freedom, and Loving Relationships

Understanding How The Mind Works, Inner Freedom, and Loving Relationships -- what do they all have in common?   Last week’s blog focused on getting comfortable with the ups and downs of the human experience and how that benefits relationships. I scheduled my blog in my newsletter to send on Monday morning, and for the second time, in a not very long period of time, my website went down on a Monday so none of the links in my newsletter worked. This came after a very challenging Father’s Day with one daughter saying she does not feel supported by Angus and me,...

Read More

Being Okay With Your Feelings is the Best Thing You Can Do For Your Relationship

Being okay with your feelings is the best thing you can do for your relationship and all areas of your life.   But how do you do that?   It seems like we innocently live out our beliefs no matter how faulty they might be, and we are at the effect of them emotionally.   How do you get more freedom?   I spent many years of my life searching for that answer first in yoga and meditation practices then in various psychotherapies. I would diligently practice various techniques to try to have less emotional suffering and to experience more inner peace. But it was such hard work....

Read More

How Are You In Yourself? Relationship Quality is a Reflection of Wellbeing

Heading back home today after a wonderful time in England. What stood out for me this trip is the ease with which Angus and I got along. The typical challenges of jet lag, nerves before speaking, driving on the other side of the road, navigating from A to B, getting to the airport on time, and other daily challenges didn’t result in conflict or bickering. This was not because we were trying harder to get along, working on our relationship, or have achieved superhuman status.   It really is the by-product of each of us being connected with our wellbeing independent...

Read More