fbpx

Try This Experiment If You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship

If you are unhappy in your relationship are you willing to try an experiment?    It is an experiment designed to reduce your suffering not to save your relationship. And whatever happens in terms of the outcome for your relationship, you will have the learning from the experiment. That goes with you even if the relationship ends.   Angus and I do our best to have no attachment to outcomes when working with our clients. We see our responsibility being to educate our clients so they can connect more deeply with their own wellbeing and see more clearly what gets in the way of...

Read More

The Best Relationship Remedy

Relationship advice is usually focused on trying to cultivate more of a feeling of love that comes and goes rather than on waking up to your essence of love that is always there no matter what. It might seem counter-intuitive to focus on something that can only be found and experienced within when it looks like the issues are without involving two people not just oneself, but ultimately any experience of upset we experience comes from within.   It is the ultimate in empowerment, freedom, and liberation to see that what causes our internal experiences arises from our own thoughts and not...

Read More

What Makes Relationships Work?

Angus and I are in the beautiful Pacific Northwest facilitating a four-day intensive with a couple. As I was reflecting on the intensive beforehand I was thinking about what it is that makes relationships work. Given that the content of each person’s experience is unique and each relationship is different, I was looking to see what is simple and unifying that applies to all relationships?   When I reflected on my own relationship, what occurred to me is that the less I am attached to my personal position the better my relationship is. The more I need things to be a certain...

Read More

What is Behind Frustration and Impatience?

Frustration and impatience -- they come up all the time in both personal and professional relationships.   I experience both. I do my best not to express them, but I often do, in spite of my attempts not to. Sometimes I am just not able to restrain myself, and sometimes I think I am filtering myself but really I am kidding myself –– like a child who hides her head under a blanket and thinks she cannot be seen. I think I am keeping my feelings under wraps, but it is quite obvious to the person on the receiving end how I am...

Read More

Angus’s Insight About Free Will

Angus has gone through another door of perception. He shares how his experience of seeing free will as a product of the conceptual mind has given him a feeling of greater inner freedom. Rather than seeing himself as separate from God/Mind/Consciousness, recognizing that free will is part of the illusion of thought, allowed him to experience more of the oneness. This is not only freeing for him, but it also helps him to have more compassion for me when I get caught up in my conceptual mind. Now, he is more likely to see my psychological innocence when this happens.   It...

Read More

Intimacy is Natural When You See Each Other Fresh

Just finished the Mid-Year Reset and Refresh Workshop with Amy Johnson, Barb Patterson, Scott Kelly, and Angus. It is a wonderful example of how service and fun can co-exist. I feel very grateful to the participants and to my co-presenters for co-creating such a heart-opening and inspiring workshop.    It was so much fun sharing the understanding of the Principles by looking in the directions of work, health, relationships, and habits--and seeing that it is the same conversation no matter what the subject matter. Ultimately what is important in all areas is understanding that your experience is a reflection of thought in...

Read More

Look First In The Direction of the True Self — It Transformed My Marriage!

As the early bird price for The Soul-Centered Series is drawing to a close, I am immersed in conversations with people enrolling in the 7-month program. I feel so grateful to connect with people from all over the world and talk about an understanding that has transformed my life and the lives of so many people I work with and know personally.   What I am particularly grateful for is the impact of this understanding on my experience of relationships, and especially my relationship with my husband Angus. I see now how I used to focus on trying to fix things out...

Read More

Reactivity In Relationships Is Normal And Nothing To Be Ashamed Of

Reactivity is normal in relationships. It is a healthy part of the learning curve of being together and navigating separate realities. So often couples come to us with shame about the emotional reactivity in their relationship. Angus and I want to eradicate the shame and normalize that it is okay that upset occurs. It is okay to be learning and growing. None of us have it all figured out.   When we are up against our growing edge, we are stepping beyond our comfort zone and into the unknown. It is there that we can see something fresh and new. We can’t...

Read More

The Misunderstanding Behind Codependence

There is a significant emphasis in current relationship advice given to embracing autonomy and individuality in relationships in order to have a healthy, sustaining relationship. Interdependence is good and codependence is bad. This makes sense in theory, but having no elements of codependence in a relationship is very unlikely and sets up a focus of seeing codependency as a problem to be fixed rather than the innocent by-product of a misunderstanding.   There is no point in spending time fixing by-products. It is tireless and never-ending work. However, as soon as a misunderstanding is clarified, the by-product of the misunderstanding is immediately and...

Read More

Navigating Your Partner’s Low Mood Gracefully

It is easy to take your partner's low mood and reactivity personally. It can look like, if they were happier, you would be happier. And it can seem kind to try and help them by offering solutions or trying to talk them out of their low mood.   Angus and I have been there and done that. We even still try to do it sometimes. But what we wake up to sooner now is that when we are doing that we have forgotten that our wellbeing and peace of mind comes from within.   Any time it looks like you would feel better if...

Read More