Life Lessons | Rohini Ross - Part 4

He Said, She Said: Emotional Waterboarding

Enjoy this week’s Vlog where Angus and I talk about a common relationship pitfall of trying to works things out from a low state of mind. We once managed to spend a whole long weekend in Milan trying to work out our relationship issues rather than enjoying our time together. Angus refers to it as emotional waterboarding.   It is so much easier and more productive to look in the direction of your true nature and recognize your innate resilience and ability to stabilize. When you are more connected with your wellbeing, you can then see your relationship from the clear, open...

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Service as a Path to Freedom

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson   I spent the weekend at the Valley State Prison for men. The focus of this service learning opportunity with the Freedom to Choose Project was to help the men see how they can experience greater inner freedom independent of their circumstances. One of the many things I love about the workshop is the even playing field. There were over eighty volunteers who took part in the workshop with the two hundred and fifty men,...

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Relationship Challenges Aren’t Solved With Communication Skills

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman identifies criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling as the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse that predict the demise of a relationship. These styles of communication are all indicators that goodwill in the relationship is dismally low. Traditional relationship advice is to learn behavioral and communication skills to keep these Four Horsemen at bay. What this advice misses, however, is that couples don't have communication problems. They have challenges as the result of diminished goodwill. When there is a good feeling between two people, communication is never the problem, even when...

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From Nothing Comes Everything

I am the product of East meets West. I have a Sri Lankan father and an English mother. When it comes to spirituality, I like the best of both worlds. In the East emptiness is sought after and revered. In the West, it is feared and seen as nihilistic. The West seems to prefer the fullness of love. For me, both are true.   In the fleeting moments when I experience emptiness, the space where there is nothing. It is in this nothingness that I experience everything. It is in that space that I touch the most exquisite feelings I have ever known.   One...

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Yes, My Experience is Created From the Inside Out: Except When it Comes to My Teenager!

Understanding where my experience comes from is liberating.   Recognizing I am the thinker of my reality, and, as a result, my experience can shift in an instant — as quickly as my thinking can change — frees me up to not get freaked out by uncomfortable emotional states. One, because I know my feelings will improve once my thinking settles, and two, because I know when I am feeling discomfort, my thinking is distorted. I am, therefore, more skeptical of my thoughts at these times. This makes me less likely to fuel my negative thoughts; thus, preventing them from multiplying and...

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It Is Possible to Go From Super Sensitive to Anti-fragile in a Relationship

My husband and I have been married for 23 years. Our relationship began with a love at first sight moment with all of the fireworks and giddiness that go along with that experience. I've heard one of my teachers, Ron Hulnick, say many times, when that happens, run in the opposite direction. However, having the optimism and insight of a 24-year-old, I ran straight into the flame.   The laws of gravity seem to apply to relationships as well. What goes up must come down. My husband and I have experienced tremendous highs and lows in our relationship. There aren’t many challenges...

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