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Stress and Relationships

Angus and I were both really looking forward to the Soul-Centered Series starting, and we have both had more on our minds than usual as we prepared for it. In the past, this would have resulted in us having a blowout! Fortunately, this didn't happen this time.   This difference is we each found our own way to be more comfortable with our human experience of nerves and anxiety. This was topped off by me waking up to the smell of smoke at 5:30 this morning, but once I ascertained there was no immediate danger or requirement to prepare for evacuation I...

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The Sneakiness of Busyness and Self-Importance

I’m back in LA enjoying a cozy rainy day after participating in Barb Patterson’s Business Accelerator program. The experience was a great example of what is possible when one is willing to step into the unknown and see what emerges from a clean slate. To say I was surprised by what came forward is an understatement.   I went in knowing something felt off regarding my work, but I had no idea what. As Angus and I explored our ideas related to helping couples rewild their relationships everything felt fresh and alive. We are committed to moving forward with the book....

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When Stress Goes Up, Relationships Go Down — The Solution Is More Simple Than You Think

Gallup recently released their latest annual update on the world’s emotional state and it shows that Americans' Stress, Worry, and Anger Intensified in 2018. Highlights from the survey indicate that Americans are among the most stressed in the world. Nearly half of Americans are worried a lot, one in five are angry a lot, and younger Americans between the ages of 15 and 49 are among the most stressed, worried and angry.   When people feel stressed one of the main areas that is impacted in their life is their intimate relationships. So many clients come to me puzzled that they act...

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Instant Pot Blow Up

Angus doesn’t like change. He wasn’t pleased when I replaced the pressure cooker he loves that has a coating on the bottom that is peeling off with a stainless steel Instant Pot. He kept the old pot, but conceded to use the new pot. We had a hangry blow up this week when the new pot seemed to be malfunctioning with a burn feature, and I went to get something else to eat. That was too much for Angus already out of his comfort zone using the new pot. I did not stay neutral and reacted to his anger, but...

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The Random Nature of Our Emotional Experience

This Vlog was going to be an inspiring message about how it is possible to stay neutral and philosophical even in the face of challenges, but then Angus had a bit of a wobbler when the dog started wandering around and the more relevant point became how random it is what thoughts we get stirred up by and which ones we don’t. We sailed through some pretty big challenges, for the most part unruffled, but the dog knocking over the light and looking like he was going to eat the orchid got under Angus’ skin.   This just points to how random...

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Is Peace of Mind Boring?

Someone shared with me recently that they liked their judgemental attitude. They did not want to get rid of it. I realized they were hearing what I was saying as prescriptive. They thought I was saying because we have innate peace within as a natural state, you should not focus on stirred up thinking and righteousness because they disturb the experience of inner peace. When all I was meaning to convey was how thoughts and feelings work.   When we bring life to our judgmental thoughts it creates suffering, but there is no requirement to stop. That is simply how it works....

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Angus’ Wail Song

I think we can all relate to getting irritated with our partner. Sometimes it just blows over. Other times it blows up. Angus shares his experience where he felt irritated toward me but then woke up to how he was thinking of all kinds of negative things about me. In seeing what he was doing, it then made sense to him to not keep going down that rabbit hole because he recognized he would just get more stirred up. By understanding that his disturbance was not caused by me, but was actually being created within himself, he saw not to...

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Bah Humbug Feelings Are Normal

It is starting to feel like the holiday season in my home. Our eldest daughter just got home from college. My husband Angus and our youngest daughter found and put up our Christmas tree. The laser lights are sparkling outside. Angus’ birthday is just around the corner. There is a festive air, but the holidays can be difficult for people too. There are often high expectations for joy and connection that don’t get met. I have talked to some people who say they feel lonelier this time of year and others who feel the loss of loved ones more poignantly.   Whatever...

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An Affair and Extramarital Attractions

Angus was not too pleased about me airing our dirty laundry in my blog this week. An affair and extramarital attractions are definitely a tricky topic. But I wanted to share what I have learned in case it helps others. My feelings and resulting behaviors were symptoms of my internal distress and not our relationship. At the time, it genuinely looked to me like Angus was the source of my suffering and so it made sense for me to think I would be happier with someone else. I didn't realize I was looking for the solution where it could never be found....

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Angus’ Fiery Moments

Angus was doing a good job of keeping his cool and not jumping onboard the train of his low mood thinking. That was until he got played by his teenage daughter and criticized by me. Then everything went south, but only for about 5 minutes. And then you get to hear his firework story. I still don't know who he had to speak to that day. But the good news is we are both on the learning curve on not taking our thinking too seriously, and when we do, our bounce back is getting so much quicker. It is amazing...

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