Instant Pot Blow Up

Angus doesn’t like change. He wasn’t pleased when I replaced the pressure cooker he loves that has a coating on the bottom that is peeling off with a stainless steel Instant Pot. He kept the old pot, but conceded to use the new pot. We had a hangry blow up this week when the new pot seemed to be malfunctioning with a burn feature, and I went to get something else to eat. That was too much for Angus already out of his comfort zone using the new pot. I did not stay neutral and reacted to his anger, but...

Read More

The Random Nature of Our Emotional Experience

This Vlog was going to be an inspiring message about how it is possible to stay neutral and philosophical even in the face of challenges, but then Angus had a bit of a wobbler when the dog started wandering around and the more relevant point became how random it is what thoughts we get stirred up by and which ones we don’t. We sailed through some pretty big challenges, for the most part unruffled, but the dog knocking over the light and looking like he was going to eat the orchid got under Angus’ skin.   This just points to how random...

Read More

Is Peace of Mind Boring?

Someone shared with me recently that they liked their judgemental attitude. They did not want to get rid of it. I realized they were hearing what I was saying as prescriptive. They thought I was saying because we have innate peace within as a natural state, you should not focus on stirred up thinking and righteousness because they disturb the experience of inner peace. When all I was meaning to convey was how thoughts and feelings work.   When we bring life to our judgmental thoughts it creates suffering, but there is no requirement to stop. That is simply how it works....

Read More

Angus’ Wail Song

I think we can all relate to getting irritated with our partner. Sometimes it just blows over. Other times it blows up. Angus shares his experience where he felt irritated toward me but then woke up to how he was thinking of all kinds of negative things about me. In seeing what he was doing, it then made sense to him to not keep going down that rabbit hole because he recognized he would just get more stirred up. By understanding that his disturbance was not caused by me, but was actually being created within himself, he saw not to...

Read More

Bah Humbug Feelings Are Normal

It is starting to feel like the holiday season in my home. Our eldest daughter just got home from college. My husband Angus and our youngest daughter found and put up our Christmas tree. The laser lights are sparkling outside. Angus’ birthday is just around the corner. There is a festive air, but the holidays can be difficult for people too. There are often high expectations for joy and connection that don’t get met. I have talked to some people who say they feel lonelier this time of year and others who feel the loss of loved ones more poignantly.   Whatever...

Read More

An Affair and Extramarital Attractions

Angus was not too pleased about me airing our dirty laundry in my blog this week. An affair and extramarital attractions are definitely a tricky topic. But I wanted to share what I have learned in case it helps others. My feelings and resulting behaviors were symptoms of my internal distress and not our relationship. At the time, it genuinely looked to me like Angus was the source of my suffering and so it made sense for me to think I would be happier with someone else. I didn't realize I was looking for the solution where it could never be found....

Read More

Angus’ Fiery Moments

Angus was doing a good job of keeping his cool and not jumping onboard the train of his low mood thinking. That was until he got played by his teenage daughter and criticized by me. Then everything went south, but only for about 5 minutes. And then you get to hear his firework story. I still don't know who he had to speak to that day. But the good news is we are both on the learning curve on not taking our thinking too seriously, and when we do, our bounce back is getting so much quicker. It is amazing...

Read More

Angus is Losing His Marbles but Feeling More Peaceful

Angus' absent-mindedness takes a new form. Luckily I see the funny side, and we are both grateful for the greater level of peace we are experiencing in our relationship. This is not the result of us working on our relationship. It is simply the by-product of us seeing how we can let go and let life live us.   Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They...

Read More

The Best Results Come From Our Natural State

Angus has some trouble getting his words out but does a little dance to loosen himself up. When he finally does get his words out he has a good point. Wellbeing is the new differentiator for the England football team. The coach is seeing how when the players are having fun and enjoying life this impacts their performance. So even though the current team isn’t as good as the previous team on paper, they are performing better as a result of this new culture of fun and wellbeing. This applies to all of us. We are our best selves when...

Read More

Letting Life Live You: Less Suffering More Possibility

There has been a lot going on recently. Being evacuated and not knowing if the wildfire was going to spread to our neighborhood. The death of a client. Getting sick. Feeling the loss of our dog Bella as at the one year anniversary of her death. But I wasn’t suffering. Even when I was experiencing excruciating pain with a UTI, I noticed I could be with the pain and not suffer.  Previously it would have taken much less for me to be suffering.   There is a quote by Haruki Murakami related to marathon running where he says, “Pain is inevitable, suffering...

Read More