Anger | Rohini Ross

Water Rage

I am not allowed to be pissed off. I can’t be angry. Rage is forbidden. No wonder I am claustrophobic. I am suffocated by the pressure of my rules squeezing me tight like a boa constrictor, squeezing the life out of me. I get to live life as a sucked out shell with a smile on my face. I aim to please.   That is how I earn my worth. I am of service. Let me help you. I will make you happy. I am a service professional at the age of 14 busing tables, bringing bread, and fetching water. I get...

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Spiritual Activism

Are you curious about how you can become a Spiritual Activist? Then watch Del Adey-Jones's Insightful Conversations with Ami Chen Mills-Naim and Rohini Ross. The topic of conversation was Spiritual Activism. A subject Del has wanted to address for quite some time now, due to the increasingly tumultuous times we are facing here in the US.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to...

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Self-Judgment and Hot Button Topics

Hot button topics usually result in conflict when they are discussed. Anger is often used to deflect away from the subject. Finances used to be a hot button topic for us. Angus shares how his self-judgment and ensuing shame made it very difficult to discuss in a reasonable way. And Rohini would usually take Angus's anger personally. The antidote was for us to be vulnerable with each other and so we really understand each other's experiences. And when we weren't able to do that to see each other's psychological innocence, knowing we were each doing the best we could.   Angus &...

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Holding A Compassionate Space For Anger

Anger can be incredibly painful and difficult to navigate in relationships. Angus and I have had our fair share of challenges with this in the past. It is often difficult to talk about because of the shame associated with reactive behaviors. Unfortunately, shame makes us resist our feelings so it is harder for them to disperse and more difficult to gain perspective within ourselves. Shame also makes it much less likely for us to reach out for support when it is needed most.   The only act of physical violence in my marriage was committed by me. This happened about sixteen years...

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My Partner is Driving Me Crazy

My partner is driving me more crazy than usual. This topic has been coming up in Rohini’s coaching conversations. It is something we can both relate to. What we recognize for ourselves is that this is not a reflection of the other person’s behavior, but a reflection of our state of mind. Angus uses the example of my picking my cuticles to illustrate this point. When he is in a low mood it drives him crazy. When he is in a good mood it doesn’t bother him. We share this as a reminder and an invitation to you to look...

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Neutrality is Heartless in the Face of Injustice

I want to acknowledge all of the support demonstrated by my readers for anti-racism and for the acknowledgment that Black Lives Matter. As many of you know, my blog posts focus on sharing my personal experience and what I am learning and seeing more deeply related to the experience of living in the human form with more love and understanding.   I share with the intent of being of service, and I encourage you to use my reflections to stimulate your own personal inquiry so you look inward and listen deeply to the wisdom of your true nature. From there, your actions...

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Black Lives Matter

Thank you for being a reader!   Last week I shared on social media how surprised I was that so many people unsubscribed from my newsletter in one morning after my last post. I also acknowledged that I didn’t know why people unsubscribed. I received a tremendous amount of support, and some people emailed to let me know their unsubscribe was not related to that week’s post. But I did receive this email:   Rohini, I enjoyed your and Angus's posts very much. But I resent your using the 3 principles platform to promote your political agenda. When I signed up to your emails,...

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Rise To The Level of Love And Stand For Justice

The outrage over the death of George Floyd in police custody has incited a wave of protests and violence across the United States. Here in LA, we have had an enforced curfew for the past two nights due to the shift from peaceful protests to riots and lootings. All of this is layered on top of the impact on the city of the pandemic. Many small businesses who might have been looking forward to opening their doors, now have more struggles to deal with. It was heartbreaking to watch an African American store owner in tears as his property was...

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Angry Behavior is an Attempt to Get Back to Love

One of the biggest challenges for relationships is angry behavior. Most of the focus on how to solve this problem is to reduce reactivity. This is a worthy goal but offers no solutions for when reactivity happens. This often leaves people judging themselves when they are reactive and missing that it is a misguided attempt to get back to love.   I had a recent blow out with my daughter where I behaved badly and sad hurtful things. We revisited the situation recently, and I acknowledged I was out of line. I was struck by how magnanimous she was. She said we...

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The Myth That We Need To Work On Relationships

The myth that we need to work on relationships is based on the misunderstanding that relationships and the people we love require work in addition to everything else we do in life.   The good news is that relationships work beautifully and naturally all by themselves. We are designed to be in relationship with one another whether that be romantically, in friendship, in community, or professionally. We are relational beings.   When we find ourselves upset in a relationship the problem is not the relationship. The problem isn’t even with the other person. The problem is with our own misuse of our personal mind....

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