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Angus Wants A Gray Hall Pass

What have I got myself into? Now Angus is going to be googling gray hall passes! All I wanted to say is that sexual boredom is not going to be solved by looking for more external stimulus. That is a never-ending quest. The sustainable solution is understanding that boredom, including sexual boredom, is a state of mind. Boredom reflects how sped up the individual's mind is rather than being caused by being in a long-term relationship. I know for myself there was a period of time where it got harder for me to drop out of my busy thinking before...

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The Honeymoon Period of a Relationship is Not Time Limited

The honeymoon period of a relationship is not time limited. It is also not an experience of craziness. It is perhaps when you are most sane because you have the experience of dropping out of your anxious thoughts and getting present to the moment and to the feeling of your true nature. You fall into love. Not love with the other person, but the experience of love within yourself. Then at some point, you have an insecure experience again, and it looks like it is the other person’s fault. But how can it be? Your experience is not caused by...

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Dealing with Anxious and Controlling Parents

Rohini and Angus Ross tell their story of being anxious and controlling parents - as a result of their own fears about their daughters and wanting to protect them - and how that didn't work well. They then talk about what really matters and how both parents and kids can find a much better way of relating.   It is such a clear story about how they finally saw their way of trying to control and protect their girls was actually causing the problems to escalate - and how they now see that everyone has the same inbuilt Wisdom - including young...

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Don’t Trust Your Low Mood Thinking

Angus has a chance to show off about how well the English soccer teams are doing in the European soccer championships, but he does have a good point that they have demonstrated tremendous resilience in the face of adversity.   This is so helpful in relationships. It is easy to get discouraged about our partner and our relationship when we are in a low mood. When we take low mood thinking seriously we create plans to cope with what we see. I used to get into a low mood, feel discouraged about our relationship, and then start planning how to leave Angus...

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Shopping Ninja

What is the weirdest thing your partner has sent you to the store for? Angus is a shopping ninja unless I slow him down with my unusual requests. My disruption of his shopping flow helps him to see he is more sped up than he realized. We all have our blind spots. The areas where it is invisible to us that we are caught up in thought. The good news is we don't have to work on ourselves or try and fix them. Our true nature doesn't have blind spots. So rather than trying to wake up faster, improve ourselves, or try to...

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Do You Try To Be A Bomb Disposal Expert With Your Partner’s Upset?

Angus used to feel like he was trying to defuse a bomb with oven mitts on when I was upset. He didn't realize that his job was not to fix my problems. He thought he couldn't be happy if I wasn't happy. And the more he tried to make me happy the more upset I became. Now Angus and I both know that happiness comes from within. He realizes that no matter how emotional I get, I will eventually stabilize. And I have learned to not trust my low mood thinking. I am skeptical of it so I don't get...

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It’s Only Handbags!

I looked it up, and Angus' definition is accurate. "It's only handbags", is a British term used to describe a pointless and worthless argument, derived from the image of old ladies having a handbag (purse) fight at the bus stop. Angus was not referring to our neighbor's dogs as handbags, but who knows what he thought Angus meant. That is how it goes. We each live in our own separate reality. The best way to avoid confusion and limit conflict is to remember how surprisingly different perspectives can be so we assume less and check things out more. If Angus...

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We Just Can’t Seem to Get it Right!

Angus and I were asked to do a FREE Relationship Webinar on Wednesday, April 24th at 11 am Pacific (US). You would think it would be easy for us to create a video announcing it. Not so much!   Enjoy the outtakes and have a laugh at our expense.   Will share the link when we have it.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders". They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by opening them up to their innate vitality and resilience. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen...

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Progress Not Perfection: Riding Out Low Moods More Gracefully In Relationships

Angus and I are at the 3PGC conference this weekend in Manhattan Beach. Before heading in we share about how we have gotten better at navigating each other's low moods. There is no perfection, but a little bit of lightness goes a long way. In a recent incident where Angus got elevated, me not taking it personally helped make it easier on both of us. Remembering we are okay, in the face of our feelings or another person's upset is very reassuring.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders". They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and...

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Relationships Aren’t Always as Delicious as a Hot Fudge Sundae

Angus demonstrates his superpower of being able to repeat the content of what was said even though he was thinking about something else. The point I was making is that we often think we need to manage and improve ourselves out of fear of not being good enough, but this pressure to be good and to be better actually brings out the worst in ourselves and other people. The point that emerged as we were speaking is that people often feel like there is something wrong with their relationship if it isn’t always as delicious as a hot fudge sundae,...

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