fbpx

He Said, She Said: Angus’s Absentmindedness

There is a lot going on in this week's Vlog. We get photo bombed by our eldest daughter. Angus learns to keep his pants on and not check in at seedy motels on Facebook. On a more serious note, I see how my irritation with Angus's absent mindedness is only ever a result of the story in my head and nothing to do with him. Angus recognizes how he can use his feelings as a compass to let him know when it is not a good time to engage in communication with me.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work...

Read More

Relationship Challenges Aren’t Solved With Communication Skills

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman identifies criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling as the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse that predict the demise of a relationship. These styles of communication are all indicators that goodwill in the relationship is dismally low. Traditional relationship advice is to learn behavioral and communication skills to keep these Four Horsemen at bay. What this advice misses, however, is that couples don't have communication problems. They have challenges as the result of diminished goodwill. When there is a good feeling between two people, communication is never the problem, even when...

Read More

The Problem is Fear. The By-Product is Violence. The Solution is Love.

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but it is fear. ~ Gandhi   I remember waiting on the platform of the underground in London when the station was flooded with skinheads. I felt fear and did my best to be as unobtrusive as possible. I know not all skinheads are fascist neo-Nazi’s, but I was afraid. I was no longer with people on the platform. I was with an “other” that scared me.   As I watched the news of the violence in Charlottesville, and heard about more upcoming white supremacist marches across the United States, I felt disturbed and sad....

Read More

He Said, She Said: Isolation Tank Mishaps

I thought it would be fun to experience a float. So Angus and I signed up to go in isolation tanks for two hours. I was concerned I might get claustrophobic, but it turns out I had quite a relaxing time of it. Angus on the other hand was up and down like a jack-in-the box.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized...

Read More

Gain With No Pain

There is a prevailing view that success requires blood, sweat, and tears. It cannot be easy! I absolutely believe that success does require effort and engagement, but I don't agree that effort and engagement need to be hard and painful.   In most areas of life, pain is recognized as a healthy feedback mechanism that lets us know something is wrong. We override it at our peril. I learned this in my twenties when I used a garlic poultice to treat a rash on my chest. It hurt like hell, but I persisted because I thought it was working. I pushed through...

Read More

He Said, She Said: Panic Attacks and Bouncing Back

This week I share my experience getting up close and personal with a panic attack. Angus shares an experience of sheer panic from years ago. It is amazing the power our thoughts have on our physiology as is our innate capacity to bounce back. It is such a relief to know we are designed to stabilize without any effort needed on our part. Seeing this makes it so much easier for me to surrender into what is -- at least more often. Add there is a good lesson on safe sex too!   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals,...

Read More

Don’t Miss Out on Life Waiting to Hear Your Wisdom

This week I had the pleasure of being a guest on Phil Goddard's The Coaching Life Podcast. At the end of the podcast he summed up a theme from the interview as the importance of listening for what is right for you and taking action on it. I wholeheartedly agree, but it does make it sound like I knew what I was doing all along. When in fact, much of the time, especially when I was younger, I was more of an impulsive risk taker rather than a reflective listener. What I see now as most important is recognizing my...

Read More

He Said, She Said: Separate Realities

Angus and I had a brutal encounter with separate realities on our hike. It left both of us feeling shaken. Neither of us did a good job of trying to find common ground with the other person. We were caught up in our position that he was doing something wrong. It gives us pause to reflect on how to navigate difference with compassion and understanding real-time.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience...

Read More

Inspiration Takes Care of the How To

I remember my first coach Steve Chandler telling me the "how to" is never the problem. The challenge is always with the "want to". If the "want to" is big enough people always figure out the "how to". This was echoed to me in a conversation with Steve Hardison. I couldn't comprehend how I could possibly pay his fee. He said to me, "If one of your children was sick and you needed this amount of money to save their life you would figure it out." I knew he was right. I realized my "want to" simply wasn't big enough,...

Read More

He Said, She Said: The Pressure of Expectations Can be Paralyzing

It is so easy for perfectionism and caring about how we look to get in the way of staying in the game. This week Angus shares how he sees his desire to look good has stopped him from moving forward in the past, and maybe a little bit now.  I see how having no expectations allows me to enjoy the moment more. This applies to movies and life in general.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord...

Read More