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Becoming Discouragement Proof and Appreciating The Unknown

A typical learning curve has a slow beginning followed by steep acceleration until it eventually evens out into a plateau. Here is an example of what one looks like: Today I am writing about the slow beginning stage. It is common when I work with clients for them to be hard on themselves and to become discouraged during this stage. I hear comments like: “I don’t know what I’m doing.” “I’m stuck.” “Nothing is happening!” “I’m doing it wrong.” There is a frequent misconception that more information is needed at this time to help figure out how to reach the acceleration...

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He Said, She Said: Problems Are a State of Mind

Do you have a problem in your life? Angus thought he had a real problem when our rescue pup Niko would not let us sit on the couch without jumping on us and biting us. He wasn’t aggressive. He was just trying to play. But his play was rough, and he wouldn’t stop. His teeth would leave bruises and even draw blood. Our attempts to discipline him were futile. When we tried to stop him, he thought we were playing, and this excited him and gave him more energy to keep going. He also had not been crated trained so...

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Being an Imperfect Mother is Good for Your Kids

I heard one of my teacher's at the University of Santa Monica, Ron Hulnick Ph.D. say that you cannot damage your kids. This flies in the face of traditional psychology that believes a healthy attachment to the primary caregiver is what results in well-adjusted and happy children. However, from a spiritual perspective, if we all have innate well-being and mental health within us, if our essence is whole and cannot be damaged, then our environment and circumstances would not be able to damage us.   Knowing this does not make me not want to show us as the best parent I can be,...

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He Said, She Said: Angus’s Screen Saver Mode

Angus shares how he needs time to rev up in the mornings, and how when he chills, he goes into screen saver mode. This mode can result in communication problems with Rohini because she thinks Angus's brain is fully functioning when it is actually off-line. Angus sees the benefit of letting her know when he needs space so he doesn't get resentful and so there aren't misunderstandings. Join Angus and Rohini at their upcoming workshop in Topanga April 28-29. Click here for more information.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success....

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Are You Fueled by Insecurity or Inspiration?

Barb Patterson and I are preparing for our next Engaged Space 30-Day Experiment. This is an opportunity to play with being engaged in any area of your life in a light-hearted way and to step into the unknown and see what is revealed to you.   One of the themes that has been coming forward in my coaching conversations with clients recently is the distinction between insecurity and inspiration fueling actions. As a coach, I work with people who want to take their performance to the next level. Frequently the reason people reach out for coaching is that they feel stuck. They...

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Amber Krzys Interview with Rohini Ross on Partnership

Do you ever feel like your thoughts are keeping you up at night—a kind of runaway train that you’re unable to stop?   This is one of many questions I explored in my recent interview with Rohini, and I must say, her answer may surprise you.   I’ve known Rohini for a few years. I met her during my time studying at the University of Santa Monica. I felt lucky to have her beaming smile, loving energy and inspired guidance as my support during that program.   Rohini is a Transformational Coach, a licensed marriage and family therapist and an author. Her latest book, Marriage, is...

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He Said, She Said: Understanding Is What is Needed to Find Solution for Public Safety

Angus talks about the cultural differences between England and the US regarding the ownership of guns. He has his own experience of heightened security growing up during the era of IRA bombings in London. Rohini points to the importance of being able to find common ground related to this issue in order to find a solution. This requires mutual understanding and respect between opposing sides. Angus and I agree that shootings are the result of someone with a destabilized mind buying into the misunderstanding that reacting to and acting on their destabilized thinking is a good idea. We also support...

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Don’t Be Afraid of Your Coping Mechanisms: They Are Your Best Wisdom in the Moment

I like the feeling of being on top of things. This is a comfortable place for my ego to hang out. I can get smug about this and feel very pleased with myself. Look at me! Look at how together I am! There are also times of growth that I really enjoy. When I am stepping into the unknown and don't have anything figured out. This experience is fun and exhilarating. I enjoy both the comfort of the known and the excitement of the unknown.   What I have more trouble enjoying and appreciating is the mess. I don't like feeling I am...

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He Said, She Said: Sex and Connection

Is it Shrek? Is it a giant and a pygmy in a shed, or is it Angus and Rohini in their sauna talking about what used to get in the way of sex? Or how even now they may have to navigate different levels of desire. As Angus says, it is all about connection. There is more than one way to get there, but that is what we both want.   And, I do know that Angus did not cause my resentment. I was just taking his behavior personally rather than being able to understand and have compassion for his suffering. If...

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Awakening from Perfectionism to the Raw, Juicy, Messy, Freedom of Magnificent You!

I am starting to write a book about waking up from perfectionism. The idea began as a memoir, but after speaking with my writing coach, who is also a publisher, it made more sense to write it in the format of a "self-help" book. This means I am doing all kinds of research on perfectionism and the various psychological approaches to address it.   Perfectionism is a cluster of behaviors that are a coping mechanism for navigating feelings of anxiety and insecurity. It can result in very serious psychological suffering such as depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse and suicidality. However,...

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