He Said, She Said: Fighting sucks, but it is not the end of the world
We thought we would get more sleep with teenagers. They don’t wake up until noon when they are on vacation, but we forgot the flip side of the late nights. Angus and I were feeling a little worse for wear from lack of sleep, and we really got duped by our reactive thinking. We both fell into believing it, and woke up believing too. That is highly unusual for us now, but it happened nonetheless. We eventually settled. We finally saw each other more clearly, and felt the love that is.
It can be scary when this happens. The intensity of feelings that come up in intimate relationships can feel very uncomfortable. It can feel like what difference does it make having an understanding of our spiritual nature and knowing that our true nature gives us the innate ability to stabilize when things like that happen? What good is it to know that our upset is a reflection of our distorted thoughts in the moment when it doesn’t stop hurt from happening?
What I have found is that the understanding does help me be more resilient after the fact because I bounce back from hurt more quickly. I don’t hold on to resentment and grudges the way I used to. I am also less judgmental of Angus and myself after the fact and more compassionate and kind. I am also less likely to take Angus’s or my reactive thinking seriously so hurt happens a lot less, and sometimes I still do take it seriously. But it is not the end of the world, even when it feels like the end of the world.
Hope this helps you to enjoy your relationship more gracefully, so you ride out the difficult times more easily and bounce back from them more quickly. You are love. The natural state of your relationship is love. We all just forget at times, but we can also always remember. Sending you love!
Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couples intensives that support the deepening of connection and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. Rohini is author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1) You can also subscribe to her weekly blog on her website, www.rohiniross.com.